What has university taught me? Shakespeare was gay, Charles Dickens is boring and phone sex is only awkward if you make it awkward. In this article, I am going to focus on the third theme by offering you, lovely reader, advice about being in a relationship at uni. There will be no advice on dating (verb) because I don’t know how to do that and there will be no (more) phone sex advice, because you can figure that out for yourself.
“But what do you know?” you may ask. Fair enough, here are my credentials. I have been in a relationship since 17 October 2021. This relationship has survived:
1 girls’ trip to Tenerife;
2 lads’ holidays to Amsterdam and Magaluf;
my freshers’ week;
his freshers’ week;
getting lost in a Greek bus station;
and constant stomach problems on both sides.
We have only argued twice (#brag) with both arguments resolved in an hour and frankly, we are your favourite couple’s favourite couple. Being at two different universities did not put an end to us and, cheesy as it is, has probably made us stronger (aww). So here is my advice:
1) Whether or not you are both at Oxford, get a double airbed.* And don’t just buy the cheapest one. INVEST. Until halfway through second year, I was using an airbed which was thinner than a heavy flow sanitary pad and held together by a pencil. The day we spent £23 on Amazon was life changing. Invest in yourself, your relationship, cuddling and any other bed activities, like ploughing through a takeaway. Some couples (probably ones who go running together) would tell you, “We sleep perfectly fine in a single bed! We just fall asleep in each other’s arms. We could probably sleep on a fish finger, to be honest” but they are sanctimonious, and wrong. You will wake up every hour sweaty and cross. Particularly if your partner is not at this university, you want to be alert and awake for the precious hours that you have with them, not reeling from spending a whole night with hair in your mouth and a knee in your groin. Provided your takeaway ploughing isn’t too vigorous, one decent airbed will last your whole degree. Just buy it. Also, buy an electric pump. ** You don’t have time to be fannying around with a foot pump.
2) I said I wouldn’t offer any dating advice and I won’t, apart from PICK A GOOD ONE. I know that no one sets out to find a bad one but stop ignoring those red flags. Your mum doesn’t like them? They think flowers are a waste of money? Your cat/dog/fish won’t eat if they’re around? Sack it off. Or have a really good think and talk to that friend who is a suspiciously good judge of character. Also, you want to date a person who doesn’t have much shame. I’m not talking about being shameless – they should still wear a clean t-shirt when meeting your family. I’m talking about being comfortable enough in themselves to love that nerdy video game/ obscure kids’ film/ slightly disgusting food BOLDLY. They take teasing from friends on the chin, refusing to allow their joy to be diminished by outside criticism. This means that they are secure in themselves and endearingly weird. However, this does not apply to taxidermists or those who wear shoes that fit around individual toes. Sorry.
3) For all those in long distance: do not listen to ‘About You’ by The 1975 after dropping your lover at the station. The lady who works in the Oxford station Greggs has seen my teary face too many times. If you can, tidy up your room and deflate your airbed before they leave. There is nothing worse than coming back to a room containing all the signs that they are still there, except it’s quiet and empty. Then, try and have a plan for the rest of your day so you don’t feel too sad.
4) Ignore TikTok. Social media will have you believe that if your partner doesn’t buy you a Jellycat every day, they are a gaslighting, toxic manipulator who is definitely cheating on you. This is not the case. My favourite present from my boyfriend was the birthday cake he baked me last year. Gifts are lovely, but they should not be used to replace communication or reassurance. Particularly if you are long-distance, TikTok will convince you to buy ridiculous gadgets to sustain your relationship. You do not need to have matching bracelets/lamps/teddy bears that buzz/light up/breathe at the same rate as your partner if you tap them. Hear me out, you can just text them! Being a student is financially challenging and what will help your relationship the most is talking. Even if your day has been the most boring library session ever, someone you know probably posted a weird picture of their dad, or maybe you saw a freaky looking squirrel on your way to the shop. Learn to look for interesting things to tell your partner. Keep them in the loop and involved with your life.
This is clearly the most important piece of advice. You won’t last long without communicating. However, I believe that maintaining a relationship at university is more than doable. If you love each other, make time for each other while understanding each other’s commitments and chat regularly, you will probably be fine. Arm yourself with an airbed, take advantage of your college’s free contraception and love wildly!
*https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07LH4KW3P?ref_=ppx_hzsearch_conn_dt_b_fed_asin_title_2&th=1
I would recommend this airbed – affordable, thicker than average, robust, not squeaky (naughty!) and has a one-way valve thingy so you don’t need to stress about yanking out the pump and shoving in the stopper simultaneously.
This electric pump sounds like you are operating a combine harvester, but it is only £9 and does the job. Sorry neighbour!