‘The Tortured Poets Department’ - A Highly Biased Review In Retrospect

It has been over six months since Taylor Swift released her 11th album, ‘The Tortured Poets Department’ on 19th April 2024. She shocked the world with the expansion of a double album a mere two hours after its initial release, named ‘The Anthology’. As an English student and major swiftie, I was immediately thrown into a state of excitement by the album names. ‘The Tortured Poets Department’ promised elegant lyricism, cleverly crafted metaphors, and enough emotion to break one’s heart all over again. After dwelling and deliberating over 31 new tracks for six months, I have concluded that she has hit the mark once more.

On the day of release, I shipped out to Cambridge with my fellow New Collegers to compete in a rowing competition for Sports Day with King’s College. It was very fitting to return to the coach for a 2-hour journey home, prepared to indulge in 31 new songs. It was the perfect way to fully embrace the emotions of an album that I could easily associate with Cambridge. I was in the epitome of ‘thought daughter’ heaven.

Taylor Swift is not lacking in critics. Everyone becomes a qualified music critic upon the release of a Taylor Swift album. It’s so convenient that they disappear after brutally berating a 34-year-old woman on the Internet, when their reviewing skills are no longer required. ‘The Tortured Poets Department’ release was controversial, even amongst her fans. The mass publication of 31 songs overwhelmed even the fondest Swifties. Many took to social media to debate their mixed opinions, some saying ‘it reminded them of fast fashion’, others saying it was lacking in substance, or was, opposingly, too wordy and literary. I too fell victim to the feeling of being swamped by 31 new songs at once, unable to focus on one too long in case I missed the next. The album’s achingly melancholic tone took days to be digested and its lyricism required even longer to be fully understood. I can now say that the album was far from a poetic disappointment.

One astounding thing about this album’s reception is how many people do not understand simple metaphors. The simplest euphemism has people muttering that ‘it doesn’t even make sense’. There are very few ways to say the following politely: if you cannot understand the meaning and impact behind various literary devices, do not listen to Taylor Swift’s new album – and perhaps also refrain from Folklore and Evermore. These albums are not for you. If you do not like these songs, it is because you don’t understand them. Many of these tracks can be distinctly linked to Taylor’s life experiences, which an alarming number of people can relate to. Her situationship with Matty Healy is implicit throughout the album, particularly in ‘The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived’. Opposingly, we experience her joyous excitement within ‘The Alchemy’ – a song about Travis Kelce, Taylor’s current boyfriend. Taylor’s album is not all about romance and heartbreak though. ‘Cassandra’ and ‘thanK you aIMee’ reference the conflict between herself and Kanye West and Kim Kardashian throughout her career. Taylor is excellent at reconstructing her hardships into creative lyricism, something I thoroughly appreciate as an English student. If you can’t relate, or begin to understand, she did not write these songs for you.

The vast majority of critiques on Miss Swift come from middle-aged men and teen boys who don’t want to listen to her music in the first place. And yet listen they will if it means they can complain that it’s ‘bad’ or ‘doesn’t make sense’. This idiocrasy and ignorance bewilders me and often generates frustration. As an English student, I have read novels, essays, poems, and short stories from the 1100s to the modern day. Male authors write the majority of these pre-1800 works. I don’t enjoy them all, but I can appreciate that some of these works weren’t written for a readership like myself. Nonetheless, I have never found myself driven to slander the names of these writers, nor demean their talents, even if their writing wasn’t as dramatic as Shakespeare’s tragedies or as comedic as Wilde’s satires. Tolerance and acceptance are pushed in creative fields until Taylor Swift is involved.

Asking a Swiftie to pick her favourite song is like asking a mother to pick her favourite child – I could probably do it at a push, but I’d be very morally conflicted. Thus, ranking any Taylor Swift song below another feels unethical; each is a piece of art in its own right. Yet, I will attempt to review the album in a fair and just manner, so that people may find a song that suits their taste. I will begin with my top ratings in case you don’t want to listen to all 31 (I don’t blame you).

Top 5:

Peter

Loml

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

My Boy Only Breaks His Favourite Toys

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

Honourable Shoutouts:

Cassandra – Chaucerian links to excite my tutor.

So Long London – You can input any city, doesn’t need to be about London specifically.

I Hate it Here – Absolutely perfect for Oxford students.

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) – Written for my delusional girlies.

Down Bad – I can relate to being down bad, crying at the gym.

Peter was the biggest shock on the album. It is number 28 on the tracklist, so you have to battle through to hear it. It is essentially a heart wrenching rendition of the story of ‘Peter Pan’ from Wendy’s perspective. Both beautifully written and carefully crafted; it is one of my favourite songs by any artist. For your safety, please don’t listen to this song if you’ve just been through a breakup.

Loml is truly one of the saddest songs I have ever heard. The initial expectation that Loml stands for ‘love of my life’ sets the tone that this could be a love song. Instead, it subverts the traditional acronym, extending it to ‘loss of my life’ – a revelation I personally did not need. Once again, this is a dangerous listen for those whose love life isn’t all well and good. Listen with caution.

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived is a game changer on this album, the duality between the first and second half of the song is intense. The tone drastically switches from a heartbroken lament to a furious revolution. I was fortunate enough to get last-minute Eras Tour tickets for Wembley Night 7. As my payment was processed, I screamed quite dramatically. I then had about eight days to create as many friendship bracelets as humanly possible. It was all worth it to hear The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived live. It was a very cathartic experience to join my fellow 90,000 Swifties in condemning the small men who have wronged us. I relive that experience every time I hear it.

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys epitomises the sad, but all too common routine that a man’s interest is only temporary. He will soon move on to the newer, shinier thing once you’re no longer exciting. For a girl whose mental state is precariously delicate, the line ‘once I fix me, he’s gonna miss me’ is entirely unnecessary. Still, this is, and will remain, one of my favourite songs on the album. I expect to see this rank very highly on my Spotify wrapped at the end of the year.

I would like to make a little shoutout to track 27, Cassandra. My one set text this year is Chaucer’s Troilus and Criseyde, so I recognised Taylor’s reference instantly. Cassandra is disbelieved and proved right in Chaucer’s text and Greek mythology. For the STEM students, I will explain. In Greek mythology, the God Apollo granted Cassandra the gift of prophecy. However, after she rejects Apollo, he sabotages her gift and curses the power, meaning nobody would believe her truths. I will always be a Cassandra defender to the bitter end. This links to Taylor’s experience surrounding her slating by the media. She told the truth about the Kanye West drama and was disbelieved. But even once the truth came out and proved her to be right, very few people apologised or defended Taylor Swift. This repeated experience is exposed in the following lyrics: ‘When it’s ‘burn the bitch’, they’re shrieking. When the truth comes out it’s quiet. It’s so quiet’.

I could spend all day discussing every single song in detail, and unpicking every lyric if necessary. I’m sure my tutors would be proud that I’m utilising my time and skills efficiently. However, I will conclude my review here. I adore these songs – they have proved to be wonderful motivation during difficult gym workouts. If you have yet to listen to ‘The Tortured Poet’s Department’, I would strongly recommend that you give it a chance. I would bet that you can relate to at least one of the tracks.

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