Hello dearies! Your favourite agony aunt in all the land is BACK – and this year, as well as being your college auntie, I’ve become a real auntie too (it’s true, I do in fact have a life outside of Oxford – sounds unlikely). It’s your auntie’s favourite time of year – oh, how I love watching the silly little freshers get all dressed up for matriculation! As a former silly little fresher, it really warms the heart…
And to all my silly little freshers reading this, welcome dearies! Your college auntie is here to answer all your woes and wonderings, simply because she loves her (dis)loyal readers so fondly! I take your heartbroken, hopeless and/or mildly baffled Oxfesses and turn them into ostensible advice. To all the sharks reading this, close the tab. Find someone your own age.
Please tell me I wasn’t the only person who signed up for a society because the person behind the stall was hot
Oh, you silly little fresher. Some genuine advice about societies (and Oxford in general) – don’t shit where you eat. As a proud committer of tutecest (for the freshers – this is when you get with your tutorial partner), I truly believe that if you like something – or someone – be careful about it. By all means, join a society to meet hot people, but make sure you either fall in love with the person OR the society – never both. That said, I’ve heard that there are plenty of hot people at The Oxford Blue…
to any fresher worried about fitting in, don’t listen to anyone who says “it gets better”, it doesn’t, cut your losses and go somewhere else
To any fresher worried about fitting in, don’t listen to hateful Oxfessers. Oxfess is a weird and wonderful place, but it has its Oxhaters. The wonderful thing about Oxford is that you WILL find people who enjoy the same things you do. If you don’t connect with anyone in college, join societies! Friends don’t have to be instant – you’ve got three or four years! It does, in fact, get better. Just remember to be yourself, and put yourself out there! These can be the best years of your life with just a teensy amount of effort.
To what extent is clubbing an effective way to meet new people? I bought a couple of tickets before the start of term, forgetting somewhat that my friends basically don’t do clubbing. I’m happy to go alone, I just worry that I will remain alone over the course of the evening
Speaking from personal experience, your college auntie has NEVER enjoyed solo clubbing. That doesn’t mean that you won’t! If you’re sociable enough (and drunk enough) then it can be a lot of fun! And remember – if it sucks, you can always Irish goodbye. Be confident in yourself, and it’ll always be a good time.
Going into 3rd year having done no dissertation research. How fucked am l?
It really depends on your subject, but my motto is that it’s never over until the deadline hits. You can always recover – your college auntie herself has definitely had some low points in her time as an academic prop knife. You struggle for a little while, and then you bring it back. There’s always time for a change – especially this early in the year.
does anyone have any good recs for societies / things to do in oxford? ideally stuff that can be done as a one-off or aren’t huge commitments — a third year who feels she’s wasted her time here
This sounds a bit cringe (what else did you expect from an agony aunt), but do the touristy things! Your college auntie totally understands the experience of feeling like your time here has been wasted – looking at all the Ox-fluencers on studytok and studygram and feeling like their lives seem so much more exciting and romantic. So romanticise Oxford. Climb the mound. Go on a tour of Oxford castle. Study in the RadCam and the Old Bod. Join a society that you’ll be terrible at. Go on long walks through the Christ Church or Magdalen meadows. Explore other colleges. Essentially: make the most of your time here.
Oxhate having just graduated and feeling completely lost and alone, did any of the friends I made at Oxford really exist? Do I matter to them? If I reached out would they still be my friends or would they be annoyed and find me a nuisance? If they reached out I would be delighted but I worry all my friendships are one-sided…
Your fundamental mistake is in assuming that you’re the only person who has this anxiety. It is entirely normal to be anxious about friendships – that’s what keeps people from reaching out. Never make assumptions on someone else’s behalf. If you’d be delighted to receive a text from them, why assume that they’d feel differently? If you text them and their response is cold, then perhaps it’s valid, but you haven’t even tried yet! Give your friends some grace, and contact them! Otherwise you’ll wind up with everyone waiting for the other person to send the first text, and that helps no-one.
Could someone pls send images of the new Schwarzman centre?? Doesn’t really seem to exist
Oh… if only a newspaper had published the exact article you need… oh well…
Never been to the UK before uni, and imagined everyone would swear with
‘ball*cks’ (the f-word is so American).
Haven’t heard that b-word once for the past three years.
This is bollocks.
And that, my dearies, is all we have time for this week! We’ve heard from everyone – silly little freshers, stressed-out finalists, and sad grads. All that’s left is to say this: no matter what year you’re in, you will be fine. Oxford is scary for everyone – no matter how well they hide it. And if you’re ever lonely, you know which Oxford-based confession page to write to. Stay fresh, my college nieces and nephews.