Welcome back, dearies! Your college auntie is back, for another week of answering all your burning questions. Keep submitting Oxfesses for me to reply to!
oxwhere is my oxford blue blind date
Let’s start with the most important question. Love is in the air and it is most certainly at The Oxford Blue. A little birdie flew into my pidge to tell me that you should be receiving emails confirming your match-made-in-Oxford very very soon: many of you will have already received it! For those of you who haven’t received confirmation: never fear! Your soulmate may be waiting for you in the next cycle of blind dates! For those of you going on dates: make sure to go with an open heart and an open mind. Love can only come to you if you’re willing to let it in.
I’m a first year and I feel so lonely. I have friends but I don’t feel liked (Connel Waldron uni experience??). I’m tired of hanging out with people I don’t feel any connection with. Is it too late to find my people? I’ve never found it difficult to make friends before and I don’t really know what to do.
Oh dearie! This is a far more common feeling than you might think. It’s never too late to find your people! Many second and third years will tell you that even now, their friend groups continue to shift. Friendships ebb and flow—you should still be able to find your people! One of your college auntie’s closest friends only started speaking to her in Hilary of first year and I’m so glad he did! Also, societies can be your best friend (and help you find your best friends!). Societies guarantee a common interest and tend to be relaxed environments that you can feel comfortable in. And the best thing about trying out a society is that if you decide you hate it, you are under no obligation to go back!
OXHELP!! asking for a friend – they’ve gone on multiple ‘hang outs’ (not called dates), ie food in a restaurant and then snuggling watching a movie after – but nothing more – they want it to be more than friends but they think she’s not interested. SURELY she is?? opinions please, need evidence to back up my advice of ‘JUST ASK HER ON A DATE!!’
I understand the fear of having to ask someone out. It’s a very vulnerable thing to do. But it is so much better than uncertainty. Your friend and this girl are doing ‘date’ activities: she’s an Oxford student, she’ll understand what constitutes a date. Either, she likes your friend (which I think is the most likely option) or she’s using them as a stand-in partner, and probably manipulating the fact that they like her. To your friend: ask her on a date. If she says yes, it’ll be wonderful. If she says no, you haven’t really lost anything. Don’t stick around someone who would use you to make themselves feel better.
What do I do if a girl rejected me but since changed her mind and now wants to try and see how things go?
What a muddle! The most important thing here is how you feel. Rejection can sting, and it may take time to heal. Ask what the problem was the first time and really think if that’s okay with you because a solid foundation is definitely the way to go. Taking things slow (as they may be suggesting) could help this. This shouldn’t be something lingering at the back of your mind ruining any good times. If you don’t think you can get over it, don’t worry—you’ll move on (there’s four Bridget Jones movies for you to cry to). You’re allowed to change your mind too. My recommendation would be to go for it—see if it fits. You both feel something for each other but if after a few dates you don’t think it’s working, that’s okay, at least you tried.
oxlove to library crushes. nothing better than seeing the same person in the library everyday and wishing you knew how to talk to them.
Preach! No better procrastination/study break than a cute person to daydream about in the library. But, if you want to move your imaginations into reality, you might need to be a bit gutsy. Route one would be to ask any mates if they know Library Crush (there seems to be approximately 12 people in Oxford so this is my go to). This route is ideal of course since it allows for an instant stalk and for you to know if they’re single first. If not, unfortunately, you will have to talk to them. Be brave! If you happen to be walking in/out together or see them in Pret hit them with a “hey, I see you in – (insert your favourite library here—if it’s the Glink I’ll pray for your success) and think you’re cute. Do you want to go for coffee sometime?/ Can I get your Instagram?”. Keep it chill and say it with a smile. Being a library based scenario, I think there’s nothing wrong with a wholesome note with your number on it. Be aware they may have a partner or not be interested. Even if this happens, you tried something scary so be proud of that. Also, nobody ever laughs or says something mean, that only happens in American teen movies. The worst you will get is “Sorry, I’m not interested.” On the other hand you could get a chance to start a lovely new relationship. Give it a go—wishing you luck x
Oxlove to Your College Auntie @ The Oxford Blue finally a good agony aunt column
Oxlove to you, my dear reader! I was humbly delighted to see this Oxfess (that’s a lie—I’ve already told everyone I know). The life of a fairy godmother and advice-giver is not an easy one, but I do what I do for the love of my people. And with that, I bid you farewell for this week. Come back soon, dearies.