Exams can be stressful as an autistic person, they can be stressful for any person. A year’s work culminating in that small window at the end of Trinity Term is enough to make anyone panic. However, when adding the standard exam worries to the complications of life with autism or any disability, things can get really tough.
As I promised right back at the beginning, I want to highlight as many neurodiverse voices as possible, not just relying on my own, to show that in our community one size doesn’t fit all, and the shared condition we have can affect us all so differently. Therefore, throughout this column I will be telling my story alongside the responses of others. Even when some responses aren’t featured, your content has helped decide what topics should feature.
For me, one of the most difficult things about exams is that normality goes out the window. Lessons, lectures, and tutorials that defined my week for the first two terms of Oxford life here have now become a series of scattergun revision classes. Although these are very useful, what differentiates a Monday from a Tuesday has gone, which leaves me wondering what day it even is. This can make life tough for me, as without a consistent routine I struggle to get work done, and I waste as much time panicking about what to do as I actually spend doing them. For many autistic people, routines matter, and without them our daily functioning can be severely impaired. It can be really tough. This desire for routine can also develop into pre-exam rituals. I eat a ‘lucky apple’ before going into any exam. It worked on the day of my first GCSE paper 3 years ago, and I am now too scared not to try it again. I also like to get in ‘exam mode’ really early, and take my time familiarising myself with the situation. Any disruptions to this can be very troublesome. For example, the day before I sat my first A-Level paper, I accidentally ate a salad sandwich containing a mouldy tomato. This obviously began to make me feel ill, disrupting my calming pre-exam routine and making me panic even more than usual. It’s no wonder this paper went on to be my lowest-scoring subject.
Those last few moments just before the exam can be the most stressful for neurodiverse students, especially if unexpected things happen. One student described arriving 45 minutes before the exam, having been given guidance to get there ‘at least 30 minutes before’, only to find out they’d have to queue outside until the 30 minute mark. This became very overwhelming due to uncertainty about when they’d be let in, exacerbated by the noise of people talking all around them. Once let into the pre-exam venue, along with 300 other stressed students, this overstimulation became even worse, leading to the student wishing they’d been advised to arrive later.
What makes matters more complicated is the stereotype that autistic students are not deserving of our exam access arrangements. It’s not just other people who say this, many neurodiverse students (including myself) have experienced internalised ableism. This is when we, despite the fact we’d clearly struggle without our extra help, make ourselves feel guilty for having these needs. In my exams I have 25% extra time, a smaller room and a special instruction that I’m to be seated at the front of any smaller room. These arrangements help me panic less and focus more, and yet I occasionally feel like I don’t deserve them. However, when I was accidentally made to do a mock exam without access arrangements at sixth form, I flopped, getting a C which was very low for my standards. This taught me that my access arrangements are very important to ensure I do my best. They can be vital in ensuring success for all students, with one saying ‘I would have dropped out without extra time’. Sometimes, due to my access arrangements, I worry I can be forgotten about by my peers. When I’m doing an exam somewhere different from theirs, and finish much later, I worry that I won’t get to be part of the fun post-exam discussion about how we all did, or any plans to do stuff together. Luckily, I have some very understanding peers who are willing to come back for me when my exam is done.
The spectrum is so diverse, and so it’s not surprising that our needs are also varied. For example, one student mentioned being allowed to wear noise-cancelling phones in exams due to struggling with the sound of electricity generators. Another student, who has AuDHD (both autism and ADHD) recalled struggling to write down their ideas even though they can easily come up with them –the opposite of many students. Finally, a student with OCD highlighted that compulsive questioning of ‘what ifs’ can be detrimental to revision, and that the way to deal with it is through self-compassion and acceptance. For all these neurodiverse students, it’s so important to recognize that their needs are valid, and they are not ‘trying to cheat’ as the stereotypes may suggest. That would never be said to someone with a physical disability, so hidden disabilities deserve the same respect.
Another damaging stereotype to do with exam performance is the false belief that all autistic students are guaranteed to find it easier than everyone else. This is absolutely the case for some students, including one who describes autism as their ‘superpower’ due to its positive impact on their ability to focus and the fact that their ability to hyperfixate helps them academically. However, not everyone is aided in this way, and sometimes hearing that well-known phrase ‘everyone’s autistic here’, simply because people have specific research interests, with one student saying these positive impacts are sometimes overplayed. Therefore, rather than immediately assuming that autistic students will find exams easier or harder than the rest of the population, it’s just best to ask.
Exams are a tough time for us all, and while everyone can struggle with the chaotic weeks they bring, they can be especially stressful for autistic students. It’s in times like those that I, as well as the students who responded to my questionnaire, are very grateful for the friends and family who care for us, make us smile and are willing to put up with us even at our most scared. To all students, neurodiverse or not, wishing you the best of luck with your exams over the next few weeks.