When I was young, I vividly remember my grandma making me put on a random pair of gloves after having lost my own. When faced with my concerns about whether they would fit me, my grandma replied with the timeless phrase “one size fits all”. While this may apply to gloves, which can be stretched to fit any size of hands, it unfortunately also characterises the world’s approach to neurodiversity. People assume that being autistic means a set of caricatured actions, niche science obsessions and crazy outbursts; and if I hear one more admittedly well-meaning comparison to a certain Big Bang Theory character, I will scream.
Because the truth is, neurodiverse people are exactly as it says in the name: diverse. To reduce us all to condition names and predetermined characteristics masks the wonderful mosaic of difference that exists in neurodiverse communities. Hopefully, this column will help celebrate that and shine a light on the challenges that neurodiverse people in Oxford face and how they overcome them, all while remembering that every experience is different. One size does not fit all.
While my aim for future columns is to celebrate the stories of others, let me first introduce you to myself. People who know I’m autistic have a certain image of me: that I’m a social introvert who probably reads books and plays video games all day. While that’s a perfectly valid life to have if you want it (and quite frankly, I wish I had that attention span), it couldn’t be further from the truth. I am a huge extrovert, and as my friends would probably tell you, I can’t stand being alone for more than five minutes. I can (in the right circumstances) enjoy the spotlight, such as when I went on The Chase some months ago. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m great at socialising. Stuff can and does often go wrong, and I am very grateful to have friends who ‘get me’.
Despite all the challenges that my condition posed, I was very proud to make it into Oxford a year ago, as for so many neurodiverse people, this is the dream. A chance to study something you’re genuinely interested in, to be surrounded by beautiful scenery, and most importantly,to belong when you may not have before.
Oxford is amazing, I love it here, I have the best friends I could have asked for, and I am very proud of my extracurricular commitments, including this very job, and my elected post as JCR Disabilities Representative. However, I would be lying if I said that there aren’t significant barriers here that I face as an autistic person. Well-meaning, misguided people can sometimes diminish these challenges by saying, ‘welcome home’ or that ‘everyone’s autistic here’, but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re real.
One of the biggest barriers to me is the set of long-established traditions we’re expected to take part in. Matriculation was a huge challenge for me. The rigid ceremonies, the long waits for photos, and the forced socialising — all while I was still scared and trying to figure out who my potential friends might be — really took their toll. It was a day I felt excluded and emotional. It can feel stressful seeing everyone else around me enjoying themselves, while I just had no clue what to do. Since then, I’ve tried to avoid the big ceremonial days, such as May Morning, just last week. Again, I knew I couldn’t go to it, as being in a crowd with 16,000 other people would be my idea of a nightmare. Yet I felt so sad that I didn’t go, as it felt excluding seeing all of my friends having fun (as they should of course) without me there. This battle (going to an event I know I’ll dislike vs. staying at home and feeling upset) is one that has regularly played out throughout my life. There are other challenges, too, such as the networking culture. If you want to get somewhere within societies, or if you’re looking to secure those coveted internships, the amount of networking, drinks, staying up late and going out with people you’ve never met before that’s required is off the scale! For those of us who struggle socially, this can be a nightmare. While making friends can be tough, the ability to master these environments is even harder.
This isn’t helped by the fact that many neurodiverse people (including me) feel the need to significantly ‘mask’ themselves to get by. This isn’t specific to Oxford, I would do it anywhere I go, but for fear of being cast out and judged, I have to try and quash my most ‘autistic’ tendencies to try and seem what others would consider ‘normal’. Having to do this all day, every day, can make me very tired, and I really appreciate being in small social environments with just my core group of friends, as I feel free to be myself there.
It must also be said that the academic environment here hasn’t necessarily adapted to neurodiverse people. While I am lucky to receive amazing support from my college tutors who’ve been willing to make adaptations, the departments haven’t always been so good. Without naming names or lecturers (as that wouldn’t be fair), it’s infuriating when the recordings I am supposed to receive to help me digest lectures aren’t actually ever sent over, or when a lecturer hasn’t stood behind the microphone, as they should, so the sound can be picked up. For neurodiverse people to really thrive here, things like this must change.
However, I don’t want to give the impression that my life here is bad. As I’ve mentioned, it’s the complete opposite; my two terms here have been the best six months of my life! I’ve loved studying PPE so far and all the opportunities it’s brought me, and I love finally feeling seen by friends who truly get me. I also want to be hopeful. While I still have a lot of social anxiety and struggle to attend big events, being at Oxford has really brought me out of my shell, and I am so much more comfortable now than I was at the start of Michaelmas. Back then, almost anything could get too much for me, but now, I’ll go to birthday parties, film nights, games nights and more — something I didn’t think I was capable of six months ago.
Over the next few weeks, I hope you stick around for in-depth stories about how some of the key facts of life as an Oxford student are impacted, positively and negatively, by being a neurodiverse student: namely social life, exams and vacations. And remember, one size doesn’t fit all; these are just my experiences. Everyone is different, and that’s what makes life so fascinating.