Hello dearies! I hope you’re all faring well having survived welfare week. Your college auntie is not doing so well herself, but at least we’re almost done! In an attempt to help you fare more well, I’ve taken to Oxfess (and Oxlove!) to answer your most burning questions and help guide you through uncertain times. On the brink of winter and spring, as the days get a little longer and brighter, perhaps our own lives will get warmer and happier.
Anyone organising valentine’s blind dates?
Love is in the air! Although Valentine’s feels like years ago now, The Oxford Blue are continuing to run blind dates for all you hopeless romantics out there. And for those of you who live for the drama of it all, you can read all about how the dates have been going!
Oxlove to buying yourself flowers for valentines day, I don’t need no man
Oh, how I love the feeling of independence! As someone retired from the dating game herself, your college auntie applauds all acts of self-love! And to those of you still on your path towards self-love, here’s a reminder to buy yourself a little treat today (perhaps a ticket to the Blue’s 5-year celebration and print launch?) – you deserve it <3
How long is too long to be exclusive but not dating?
How long is a piece of string? Every relationship is different. In your auntie’s opinion, being exclusive without dating is kind of pointless. The only difference is a single word. I was told once by a man (ew) that he didn’t want me to be his girlfriend because the label seemed “too official”. But my dearies, you deserve official. The very fact that you’ve asked this tells me it’s probably been long enough. If being exclusive but not dating is making you happy: that’s fine, stick with it. But don’t be afraid of labels. The feelings are already there; labelling them won’t change anything.
I offhand mentioned to my neighbour that i can’t hear him at all, he said he does hear me and didn’t elaborate. I feel so bad. How can I be quieter without like changing my whole life around?
I think a major change is to be more conscious of yourself at night. Even things like doors opening and closing can sound like a cacophony when you’re trying to get to sleep. Another thing is guests – again, it’s all about being mindful of the time (and also of things like exam periods – especially with mods coming up!). Even things like music: good practice is to not play it too much louder than it needs to be. That said, it’s worth having a chat with your neighbour. It’s entirely possible that this doesn’t bother him at all, and also possible that there’s something specific he can hear (former neighbours have complained about my ridiculously loud hair dryer, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do). He’ll also definitely appreciate you making the effort to be a kinder neighbour!
Oxhelp – am I developing a crush on a guy in college, or do I just like the fact that he will let me ramble about my degree?
An age-old question. There are many such cases – your college auntie once had a crush on someone simply because they knew a lot about their shared A-Level subject. However, if you suddenly realise that all the two of you know about each other is purely academic, perhaps it’s not quite love. I am all in favour of an academic crush, but if you intend to make a move, make sure you know something about him other than his special interest.
Does he like me or are we just friends???
The answer to this is easy: does he treat you any differently than the rest of his friends? Even if it’s subconscious or very, very subtle, we tend to act a little differently around people we’re attracted to. We lean in a little more, or we’re more careful with our wording, or we try to be funnier (not always successfully). It is, unfortunately, the subtlest of indicators that can confirm whether someone likes you, but if you learn how to read people, it becomes easy to figure it out. Or just wait for them to confess their feelings. That works too.
As a finalist the worst feeling is going to a revision class and realising quite how fucked you are
A reminder this welfare week: you have time. To all my finalists and first-years: exams are scary, I know. But you have the entire vac, and most of Trinity. I think what often happens is we psych ourselves out so severely that we end up being too stressed to do the work we need to do. Don’t repeat old mistakes. Go easy on yourself. Take the time to actually figure out where your weakest and strongest points are. Take the time to understand how you can revise in the most efficient way. And most importantly: take breaks. Burnout may not feel real, but it sure will feel real when it gets to Trinity and you haven’t given yourself a break in eight weeks. Breaks allow us to process information. If you just keep cramming stuff into your head, it won’t all be absorbed. An efficient student is one who takes breaks (perhaps relaxing by checking out some of the Blue’s other articles…?)
The year is more than halfway done. Is that a scary thought, or a relieving one? I know I’ll certainly miss Oxford once term’s over – the amount of Oxfesses decreases too severely over the vac: I need at least a daily dose. But on the bright side, we still have weeks six to eight left ahead of us. The sun will shine, G&Ds will be busier than ever, the birds will sing, and we’ll have whatever counts as spring in this country. And with that, I bid you fare well.