Hello there my lovelies! It’s your local college auntie here–around to congratulate, console, care, and consult. Each week, I’ll be responding to some of Oxford’s most crushing crushes and sticky situations. I’ll be using my hard-won wisdom to make the lives of every young hopeless romantic in Oxford better. Like a fairy godmother, but better–a fairy auntie. Whether you heed my advice or not is up to you – choose wisely…

#oxfess34528

Oxhelp… I left my girlfriend because the relationship was stressful and I made too many mistakes. I felt better for a week or two and now I just want to go back to her and prove I can be a good boyfriend to her even though I broke her trust once before. I love her and I know she loves me. Should I go back to her? It feels like I’ve let the loml go because I was too cowardly to face my mistakes and I just wanted to take the easy route out. I just want her back

Oh dearie…this is an awful situation to be in. My first piece of advice is to sort your own head out. Breakups are scary; they’re big changes to our lives. Our first reaction usually is to go back on it. I’ll tell you a little secret from my many years of being a relationship expert: it never works. You can go back, but there’ll be a lot of resentment there. I’ve seen far too many friends cling onto something because the initial shock of a breakup scared them. Process why you broke up. Are those things still true? It’s likely that if you broke up with her, you had a reason for it. If that reason hasn’t changed, you have to stay broken up. It doesn’t mean you can never reconnect, but it means that until something changes, you probably need some distance. Take it from someone who’s been through it (over and over): once you’ve gone back once, even if you figure out that you really can’t be together at the moment, it becomes a million times harder to stay away in future. No backsliding. Just chin up, and take this time to work on yourself. You made mistakes? Use this time to make sure you won’t make them again. If she is truly the love of your life, you’ll end up back together eventually–that eventually doesn’t have to be now. Take time. Consider things. Most importantly, never do anything rash. The quickest way to go from amicable to toxic is to make rash decisions. If she’s the love of your life, don’t hurt her by going back to her over and over when it’s not working at the moment. It will do you both harm.

#oxfess34494

Oxhate to maybe being in love with my college husband but him definitely not feeling the same way

We’ve all made similar mistakes. Flatmates, tute partners, college parents, college spouses. There is something so alluring about someone who could be a major mistake. There are many flourishing college relationships out there that turned into real relationships. It’s not impossible. If you feel strongly about this man, don’t let him slip away! Silly little crushes are just that – silly little crushes. If he doesn’t feel the same way, he’ll be flattered. If he does, think about how wonderful that would be! Your college auntie has been in many a situation where she was convinced that someone didn’t feel the same way, only to find out years later, too late, that they did. Don’t make that mistake. Be bold! There’s not enough boldness in 2025. Say what you mean, and don’t be scared of it! So, you have feelings for this man. There is nothing embarrassing or scary about that – your feelings are your feelings. You’ll forever regret not saying something. 

#oxfess34462

Oxhate to when your gf prioritises you last and always has an excuse

I always say: communication is key. Have there been any other warning signs? Being at the bottom of someone’s priority list is an awful, awful feeling. But sometimes our definitions of “priority” don’t always align with our partners. Something I think we tend to forget in Oxford is that we have a proximity to our partners that is pretty much unmatched elsewhere, particularly if you date within college. Things can get overwhelming very very quickly. Are these excuses valid, or are they just excuses? Never stay with someone who makes you feel lesser. Partners should help you grow, make you happy, encourage you. If this relationship isn’t fulfilling your needs, it’s better to get out now before it becomes even harder to leave. We’re all here for you, whatever you decide. <3

#oxfess34410

My bsf started dating a guy and now barely talks to me. I’m happy for them but miss how it used to be 🙁 

Ah, young love; it makes fools of us all. New relationships can be exciting, but they’re also all-consuming at times. Mention how you’re feeling. They might not have considered that they’re making you feel like this. Give them a little bit of space to grow within this new relationship, but it’s essential to maintain contact. A massive issue in young relationships is that people cut off their friends and then lose all of their support systems that aren’t their partner: don’t let this happen! If you’ve already told them that you miss them, give them a little bit of space, but maintain that contact. You’ll be glad for it in the future. 

And remember my dears, your college auntie isn’t going to fix all of your problems. If you need more serious help, please contact a professional or a helpline. 

Resources:

Sexual Harassment and Violence Support Service

University of Oxford Counselling and mental health service

University of Oxford Wellbeing Service

The Oxford Samaritans: Call on 0330 094 5717 or 116 123, or go to their website

NightSafe Oxford – prevents violence against women and girls in Oxford at night

Oxford Nightline – listening, support and information service run by and for Oxford students. Open 8pm – 8am, 0th week until 9th week. Call 01865 270 270 or by instant message