Oh dearies! As the end of term draws ever closer, I fear I will miss my lovely Oxfessers so fervently! The end of term means a severe decline in Oxfess posting, and thus a severe decline in your college auntie’s personal happiness. But never fear! Your college auntie will be back right away as soon as Trinity starts to respond to all your vac drama! So whether it’s an Oxford situationship dwindling, a severe case of missing Oxford, or a badly timed fling based on boredom whilst at home, Your college auntie will be ready and waiting to advise.
Why am I obsessed with a man I went out with for two weeks and has 0 interest in me at all? How do I move on?
This is a tough one. Unrequited love can be the toughest to recover from. Your college auntie still hasn’t truly recovered from a man who never loved her. You’ll try to seek their approval to make the rejection hurt less. It won’t. They won’t ever love you in the way that you deserve. Unfortunately, the only way to move on is to give it time. He wasn’t your soulmate. Your soulmate will love you back. The way that I’ve gotten over obsessions in the past was by asking myself, “could I tell our children about this?” I don’t want to tell my children that I spent months pining, and then he came back to me. I want to tell my children about a person who has loved their mother with everything they have from the very beginning. If you’re hung up on your past, move on for your future.
Best place to watch the sunset in Oxford?
In my personal opinion, the best place to watch the sunset is with people you love. It doesn’t matter where you are. Stumbling drunk up The Mound to get a good view is fun and all, but nothing can compare to sitting on a bench in your college quad, with someone you love by your side, your head resting on their shoulder as you watch the sun go down together. That said, your college auntie has always loved the way the sun sets over Port Meadow: it reminds me of a painting. Simply beautiful.
missed so many internship application deadlines for the summer. feeling incredibly fucked
As someone who spent the better half of Hilary writing too many bad essays, sitting in the sun at every opportunity, and spending too much time in spoons, I can commiserate. Seeing the interminable flurry of LinkedIn warrior posts announcing their pending service to Lockheed Martin or Goldman Sachs is dispiriting, I agree. But you don’t have to take this corporate comeuppance lying down. It’s time to be a 9th Week Warrior and lock in over the vac, sending dozens of emails lavishing praise upon internship managers you’ve discovered after a five minute Google. If this foolproof option fails, not to fear. You can spend the summer sleeping off your term-time hangover and rediscovering what “exercise” is — I’ve heard it’s fascinating.
Is it somehow possible that your college wife becomes your actual wife? Asking for a friend
Is it possible? Yes. Would I advise it? No. In this auntie’s experience, a relationship with one’s college spouse can get very messy, very quickly — especially if you’re still a first-year. Ask yourself: if you break up, will it make college family dinner excruciatingly awkward? However, your auntie knows many college spouses who are very happily dating. You have a 50/50 chance of heartbreak or happiness. Take the risk at your own discretion…
high key concerned by my inability to meet deadlines – think I’ve submitted maybe 3 out of 10+ essays on time this term… is this normal by Oxford standards?
Your college auntie tries to be kind but realistic. Be honest with yourself. Forget about Oxford standards: what are your standards? I can understand being late with essays — but the more you do it, the more you allow yourself to. And that’s when you’ll start to fall behind. My philosophy has always been: you worked hard — in some cases very hard — to get into Oxford. Don’t let that hard work go to waste now that you’re here. You’re likely at this university because you enjoy a challenge. Degrees here are three or four years (for most students) — don’t waste those years by failing to meet deadlines. It can require a lot of organisation, but you can do it! Your auntie believes in you! Take a break over the vac, and come back fresh and ready to make a change.
And now, your college auntie will retire to wherever she comes from to catch up on both sleep and Netflix. She will pretend Oxford doesn’t exist for a wonderful few weeks. And she will, of course, keep posting on Oxfess, complaining about everything under the sun. She will read far too many poems about missing Oxford, and she will be thinking of you, my lovely readers. Have a wonderful vac. Don’t revise too hard xx