Carers Trust estimates that 10% of young people in the UK are young carers, providing essential care and support to family members who depend on them due to long-term illness, disability, mental health struggles or addiction. These responsibilities do not simply end when the young person turns 18 or leaves home for university.
Last term, I was late to meet my friends for our college’s Christmas ball. As I ran up to them, conversation was focussed on makeup and shoe choices, which couldn’t have been further from my own thoughts. I had just been on the phone, trying to persuade the person I care for to settle for the evening and eat some dinner, so that the primary carer at home could eat their dinner too. Whilst doing this, I’d haphazardly thrown on a dress and tried to explain what I was doing. Joining these cosmetic-centred conversations was the moment that I realised just how different my university lifestyle is to so many of my friends.
I grew up as a young carer and, despite being at uni, I still care now. The move to university included a transition to distance caring, which comes with its own challenges. In many ways, I have more time to myself, I no longer have to put someone else first quite as much and I can make plans with the freedom of someone who doesn’t have a dependent. But all of these freedoms intensify a feeling of guilt. Every time I get a phone call from the primary carer at home saying how exhausted they are, every time the person I care for calls me in distress, every time I ignore one of these calls because I am in a lecture or want to simply enjoy an evening with friends, the guilt gets worse.
However, I am still doing everything I can, from a distance. I am on the phone several times a day, aiding the primary caregiver with admin and advice, or calming the person I care for. I join vital meetings about make-or-break decisions to continue legal care plans virtually and plan my uni work around the many hours all this can take. All this takes time, energy and an emotional toll. My weekly plan includes the typical student tasks of essays and reading, but also helping with homework twice a week and various admin tasks for the person I care for.
Often, I miss being at home. Although being a carer is tiring, I have a lovely relationship with the person I care for and I do miss my family a lot. At home, we live in a strict routine to meet all needs and deviating from this was a huge shock: it was no longer dinner at 6pm, followed by an hour of TV, helping at bathtime and then staying quiet whilst people slept. For many students, the day only truly begins after dinner. This has been difficult to navigate, as our periods of free time sometimes clash.
Significantly, the day this realisation hit me was Carers Rights Day. I’d spent the morning in Parliament on a roundtable, led by Anna Dixon and Chris Vince – MPs who chair the All Party Parliamentary Group (APPG) for Carers and the APPG for Young Carers and Young Adult Carers. I’ve given evidence to these groups several times about a variety of issues carers face, and this time, the focus was on accessing our rights as carers – something that is tricky in nearly every part of life. University has further demonstrated the difficulty accessing these rights, with nearly no support for student carers offered. More often than not, young carers are grouped together with care leavers in policy and for pastoral support offerings: these are actually two groups* that have very different support needs and are from very different backgrounds. I cannot help but feel that people, including staff at the university, simply do not understand the concept of distance caring. Being a carer is a central part of my identity, an identity that has hugely shaped the opportunities I have accessed (or not), the causes I care about, and my compassion.
Like all life experiences, being a young carer has had a significant impact on the skills I have developed. I am exceptionally organised and am used to managing my time – a vital skill for success at Oxford. I think my wider responsibilities provide me with a wider perspective outside of ‘the Oxford bubble’ and keep me grounded. My life revolves around more than the weekly grind of tutorials and essays.
I am not the only one in this position, and I know of other student carers across the university. We find comfort in understanding each other and the complex emotions of relief, joy and guilt which accompany this role. In the future, I would love this informal student support network to be expanded formally. Young carers have recently been added to the UCAS Equality of Opportunities of Risk Register, which means that there is admissions data on incoming young carers which could be used to offer meaningful support. As well as the emotional impacts of being a young carer, there are numerous financial and practical challenges: I know that I may be needed at home at very short notice, particularly if the main caregiver becomes ill. In fact, issues surrounding this led to me flying home from France last year, whilst on holiday with friends. I am aware that the same could happen whilst I am here in Oxford, and last minute train tickets are not kind to any budget!
As young carers go, I am fortunate that I am even able to leave home during term time. I am lucky to even be in this position. Many other students will not even realise that they are carers and will be struggling with a burden of something that feels hidden and forgotten, just like I did, before someone finally told me that the role I have is identified and recognised. This needs to change: it is vital to recognise that so many students do continue to care from a distance at university, and we need support balancing this in our student lifestyles.
*Care leavers are defined as any adult who had experience of the care system. Although young carers and care leavers have similar sounding names, they are different groups of people.