Graphic by Sophie Benbelaid
If I had set out to write this yesterday, I know it wouldn’t have come out this way. Such are the ups and downs. Today, I woke up in quite a good mood. And, as I write more this term about mental health and my own experience of mental illness, I want to reflect on the better days (it is currently 10:06, though, so I won’t consider it a done deal) as well as the worse ones.
When I’m especially anxious, music starts to fade out of my life. I tend to like having some audio on whenever I’m not working and that will take the form of podcasts – structured content that engages my thoughts so they don’t spiral in panicky directions. When I’m feeling a little less precarious, I put my music on. Throughout each month this year, I’ve made a playlist, adding songs based on no particular theme or category but just on what I was listening to. Seeing as I won’t be writing in December, I wanted to put together a little review of the songs that have been most joyful each month of this year. Doing it now isn’t really a problem – I know that it will be Kelly Clarkson’s Underneath the Tree. Obviously.
In January, TikTok and I were obsessed with Edison Lighthouse’s Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Grows). This was hitting the charts again for the first time since 1970 (and I take credit for at least half of its most recent streams. Not the ones in the 70s – I wasn’t born yet, duh. I think this is a fundamentally happy song. It’s the first song on my January playlist, and will be the first on my annual round-up.
It was inevitable that this featured somewhere – in February, Vienna was on repeat. Sacrilegious-ly, this was the Ben Platt version instead of Billy Joel. But really, this song is my anthem. If I were to get a tattoo (which at time of writing is a near impossibility), it would quite probably be Vienna inspired, most likely closely associated with either “don’t you know that only fools are satisfied” or “it’s alright, you can afford to lose a day or two”. Or “you’re so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need”. I really love this song.
In March, Billy Preston’s Nothing from Nothing became a firm favourite. This song has stayed on pretty much every month’s playlist since, taking a leave of absence only when I decided that I didn’t want to desensitise myself from how much I like this song. Just the album art makes me smile.
I got my driver’s licence in April, marking the beginning of the driving playlist and the ascension of Blondie’s Maria to the top of my list. Sunday Girl and Call Me are undeniably great songs, but nothing beats screaming this at top volume in the car. I’m also pretty excited to have my first non-male, non-70s pick on here. I was beginning to have to question myself a bit.
In May, I listened to Silk Sonic’s Skate through my mostly-dysfunctional Apple earphones most days. This song ticks a lot of joyful boxes for me: excellent intro, ridiculous lyrics, makes me feel like I can dance. (Having looked the lyrics up, I’ve realised that whilst “you smell better than a barbecue” is something Bruno Mars unashamedly sings, my understanding that the opening lines were “In a room full of dollars, / You would be a hundred dollars” was based on a mishear. It is “in a room full of dimes”. Enunciation is important, I guess.)
Before my exams, my song I played to ~get in the zone~ was Surrender To Me by FireCityFunk, making this a top hit for June. Again, joyful album art and, again, extremely 70s. Most of my exams were online, and I played this in my room and danced in the mirror as the last thing I did before settling down and beginning to write. I find it quite hard to sit still if this is playing.
In July, I was back home and driving quite a lot, and the opening of Queen’s Fat Bottomed Girls would make me immediately go back to the start (I have to sing it from the beginning, but you can’t know it’s beginning until it’s begun) and crank the volume as high as it goes. I said to a few people that I think this was also a kind of eating disorder self-therapising both in subject matter and the immense catharsis of singing Queen at the top of my lungs. After a few drinks, this would be my go-to karaoke song.
I didn’t listen to a lot of music in August. But, when half-watching a cricket test match with my parents, I was introduced to the absolutely exuberant Soul Limbo by Booker T. & the M.G.’s. This song has been on each month’s playlist since. I have forced many a friend at many a pres to listen to the 2 minutes 22 seconds instrumental, and I know every beat. It has increased my appreciation for cricket exponentially.
I didn’t listen to loads in September either. But undeniably, the song of the month is I Can’t Decide by Scissor Sisters. Parking the car at home after a journey back from Hyde Park with my very best friend, and after playing the more mainstream I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’ from the same album, she played this song and I was reminded for probably the hundredth time that day of how much I love her. The jubilation with which she sang the line “It’s a bitch convincing people to like you” reinforced to me that she has never, in over 15 years of friendship, had to convince me.
I think I don’t have enough distance from October to pick just one song. I’ll give you a top five instead: Laura Brannigan’s Gloria, Paolo Nutini’s Pencil Full of Lead, Paul Simon’s Loves Me Like a Rock, Starship’s We Built This City and, shamelessly, Moderchai Ben David’s Moschaich. Honourable mention to late addition Trixie Mattel’s discography on the strong recommendation of someone I love very much.
And in November so far, Nina Simone’s My Baby Just Cares for Me has topped the charts as far as I am concerned. I’ve loved Nina Simone since I was very little and this song is no exception – especially the 20-second section starting about 2 minutes in. Nina can’t go too far wrong.
As I said, I’d bet good money that if I were to be consulted in a month or two’s time, I would feed back that Underneath the Tree dominated my December listening. The happy inclusion of Moschaich in this list alongside Kelly Clarkson’s Christmas capitalism is a lovely illustration of my kind of festive season.
I’ve put all of these songs in a playlist which you, my dear dear reader, can acces right here. This isn’t the kind of thing that I usually use this column to express – but it is also important and also a part of my life, and hopefully if it makes me this happy, it can be a source of some joy for you too.
P.S. – I felt that getting the playlist to 22 songs was nice and neat, so I’ve added in all of the songs that very nearly made it multiple times. Plus it felt really wrong that there was no Billy Joel or Amy Winehouse.