In this brilliant city, important research is being conducted every day: burning questions about how we can avoid repeating historical tragedies, how we can cure the deadliest of illnesses, and… whatever it is philosophy students do. I, too, have been conducting important research – arguably the most important of all: my quest to discover the people’s thoughts on Oxford’s many kebab vans. This is not limited to which one is the best, but what people’s favourite orders are, and which ones are held to be reprehensible.
Kebab vans are a crucial part of university and nightlife culture. The food served is hearty, filling, cheap, and fast, making it the perfect thing to eat at the end of a long night at the club. Some find their food so convenient and delicious that they eat it for dinner more than once a week, not just as a snack after a night out. I tend to go at least once a week, usually sober as I’m not much of a nightlife enthusiast (I still don’t understand how people have the time to go out every week), and it gives me a delicious meal that’s nice and definitely very healthy (because you can get vegetables on it!). To be honest, though, I am a little set in my ways. I hardly ever dare to deviate from my typical order: a mixed wrap with chilli and garlic sauce from Ahmed’s every Wednesday. So, I reached out to my colleagues at The Oxford Blue, as well as some other friends, to hear their recommendations.
I was honestly surprised by responses to my first question. More than half of respondents said they eat at kebab vans at least once a week, though I’m certain only the most passionate customers were motivated enough to fill out the survey. Given some of my non-Oxford friends have judged me quite heavily for it, I do find it somewhat comforting that I’m not the only one who gets a kebab once a week. As for when people tend to go, most only do so after a night out, but there is a sizable minority who will occasionally go on a normal night. I must shout out the respondent who said, ‘a normal day involves a night out’ — very inspiring words.
In terms of favourite orders, I can’t help but be a little disappointed that the most common answer was just cheesy chips. I’ve made some delicious cheesy chips with nothing but an oven and a microwave, so I never really feel the need to get them from a kebab van. However, I am not oblivious to the fact that cheesy chips taste approximately a hundred times better when they come out of a fryer. I remember quite clearly a night where I got some cheesy chips from Hussain’s and they tasted better than anything I have ever eaten… though after going back another time while sober, I can confirm it was the alcohol in my system talking. Aside from chips, it seems that chicken wraps or kebabs are a big favourite. To my dismay, however, there was not a single respondent whose favourite is an actual lamb doner kebab, which I find to be a tragic atrocity.
On the other hand, there were varying responses as to which orders are considered questionable. There were a surprising number of hot dog haters; I find them a little questionable, but rather inoffensive. On behalf of myself and a lot of respondents, I question those who order fish and chips. Now, I love a good fish and chips as much as the next person, but from a kebab van? I fear that is entirely the wrong setting. I haven’t had it myself, but I’m not sure if I want to risk it. Another response was an ‘egg burger’. I’m not entirely sure what that is even supposed to be, but it sounds frightening. Finally, I have a bone to pick with whoever said they find most meat reprehensible, specifically declaring they hate the ‘meat tubes’. Firstly, that is what a doner kebab is. Secondly, is it Michelin star quality? Of course not, but nothing about it is dangerous (depending on where you go). The method of cooking is no different from a rotisserie chicken, so I strongly recommend people who are wary of kebab meat to at least give it a try. Don’t knock it until you try it! Unless you’re me, of course, and the ‘it’ in question is fish and chips from a kebab van.
On to the million-dollar question: what is the best kebab van in Oxford? The people have spoken, and in third place is Ahmed’s, outside Univ. Ahmed’s has won the award for Kebab Van of the Year at the British Kebab Awards, but more crucially, it’s my favourite. The staff are extremely friendly and the food is exactly the kind of quality I expect. I’ve eaten many a dinner on my way back from a late study session or from Bridge, and I’ve quite literally never been disappointed. In second place is Best Kebab Van outside the Exam Schools. Personally, I have a bit of beef with Best Kebab Van, simply because I ate there once and got a bit sick the next day, though I have no proof it was from there. Even though I am at St Hilda’s, I spend a lot of my time in the city centre so Ahmed’s is easier to go to even if it is further from my college. Crucially, however, I don’t get chips at kebab vans, and I hear the Best Kebab Van chips are legendary, so that may be why I have not felt the urge to go there.
The winner is, of course, the legendary Hussain’s on St Giles’. I can’t pretend to be surprised; Hussain’s is always packed when I walk past, and the few times I have been there, it’s been incredible. They have a very wide range of options, good prices and delicious kebabs, and being quite central, it’s no wonder that it’s a favourite among the students of Oxford. Since it’s far from Hilda’s, I don’t tend to trek all the way there myself, but I can recognise how excellent it is and how positively it has impacted so many students here.
Kebab vans are one of my favourite things about living in Oxford. Knowing that no matter how late it gets I’ll be able to get some nice, cheap, and hearty food is always comforting. I’ll always be in awe of the people who run them. Being up all night serving drunk university students sounds like hell to me, so make sure you are supportive of them, and let them know how much you treasure their food.