There are two reasons to dine alone: you either have to or you want to. When I last told a friend that I had gone to a restaurant by myself, he looked surprised. A particularly candid man, he commented, “That’s the loneliest thing I’ve ever heard.”
I scoffed. He had assumed that I had visited this restaurant by myself because I had to. In his mind, all solitary diners settled into their seats with a sigh after having called half a dozen friends who all proved unavailable. Such a lack of imagination.
No doubt there are diners out there who would have preferred company but now find themselves eating alone. However, there are also those who found no companions because they did not look. For some of us, sitting alone and ordering that second glass of wine is the only way to truly relish the experience. Dining alone at an establishment is by far the best way to take it in fully and absorb it in its entirety.
When you are alone, you are aware. You can hear the regulars arguing about specials in the corner, note the smells wafting into the room as the waiters swing the kitchen doors and watch the colours smush together as the bartender concocts. Run your knife down the crackle of the pork without needing to also pay attention to the joke being said down the table. Hear the crunch. Of course it tastes richer, you are focused on it. What is good in company tastes better in solitude and what is bad in company tastes worse.
You are present. Be deliberate, pick your table carefully, eat slowly and savour every bite. Then, one day, after you have enjoyed many meals by yourself, you will find that there is something special about this one. Every move you make, every piece you cut, it all seems to… fit. You will steal for yourself a small moment of elegance and dignity. This does not happen always, but it’s like a drug when it does.
That is why I want to dine alone.
Does that make me sound like a lunatic? Do you read that and think, “That sounds like he’s just trying to convince himself that he isn’t alone”. Are you convinced that you will feel no joy or satisfaction from eating alone? Fine. I have little else to say to you then. There are people who will enjoy dining alone and there are people who won’t, and you have chosen your camp.
However, if you find your curiosity piqued and if you want to try and see what this feels like, then here’s a run down of how I do it. Or, at least, how I aspire to do it.
First, pick your restaurant. In Oxford, my favourites are Busaba and Gino’s. Busaba is a Thai restaurant on George Street. It is a chain, but the Oxford branch feels bespoke. It has excellent service, on par with the best restaurants I’ve been to. The duck is amazing. It’s what I had the first time I went there and it’s what I stick to ordering when I’m there. Gino’s is a small Italian restaurant near Gloucester Green Market. It is often busy and exceedingly charming. The pastas there are great; other items like the garlic bread are more polarising. There are specials which look and taste fresh and delicious. I go to these places because of how close they are to where I live. They are on the expensive side, but I do this infrequently enough that I can afford it. You will find your own favourite places to dine by yourself as you explore the restaurants around where you live.
Pick a table that allows you to look at things, either within or without the restaurant. You want a good view so you can spend time observing. Really stop and observe. Put away that fork, lay down that menu, and just spend a few minutes taking it all in. What is the waiter saying? Where are the cooks? Who just dropped that glass? What is that couple talking about? Wonder.
I try to ask the waitstaff for recommendations because they usually know best what people have enjoyed. If there are specials (like at Gino’s), I make an effort to order from that list. I go for two or three courses, depending on how hungry I am. Regardless of whether I get an appetiser and main, I always get dessert.
Then, if I feel like it, I order a coffee. I love the way an espresso opens up the world after a meal. It dispels the sleepiness that comes with being full, the bitterness of the coffee mixes pleasantly with the sweetness of the desert. It is a simple pleasure, but one worth delighting in.
Once you are done eating, take a moment before getting the bill. Once you have, tip as well as you can. The idea is to consciously give back to the waitstaff, the actual amount does not need to be extravagant.
Walk out of the restaurant and take a walk. Feel the breeze. The caffeine will open you up and the delicious memory of the food you just had will make things seem more vibrant.
Breathe deeply and deliberately.
Breathe slowly and fill your lungs.
Food is one of the most primal necessities, but the rituals we surround the best of our foods with makes it something more. Partake in these rituals. Not all the time, but once in a while. Do it because you want to.