Illustration by Marcelina Jagielka.
Distance is something that every long-term relationship will be sure to face at some point during its life. To students, the phrase ‘long-distance’ often elicits similar feelings to the toll of a funeral bell, an early grave to romantic connections that have been forged through the intensity of Oxford study. However, the statistics speak louder than your mate down the pub and a study by KIIROO revealed that 60% of long-distance relationships do in fact survive. Not only that, but those that survive are typically stronger than they otherwise would have been. There is light at the end of the four-month tunnel.
The hardest aspect of a long-distance relationship and the most common cause of failure is usually communication. How do we communicate healthily when our partner is miles and miles away? Every relationship is different hence the most effective way to do this being the setting of boundaries as you both try to adapt to this new, and slightly scary, form of partnership. How often are you comfortable with calling? How much of your independent life should you share? What is your schedule going to look like? Set boundaries and establish a firm starting point you’re both happy to build from. By establishing boundaries and an open line of communication from the start, the distance will get so much easier and feel much more natural.
Communication can be maintained in many ways, no matter the distance. Thanks to the joys of technology, spending quality time together at a distance has never been easier. Post each other snacks or send a takeaway and have a virtual movie night; jump into online games and unleash your competitive sides or perhaps buy each other one of your favorite books and read them together on Facetime. The possibilities are endless and however it is you guys like to spend time with your partner there will likely be a virtual substitute.
However, nice as it is spending virtual time together, there is no substitute for real interaction and the feeling of seeing your partner in person. I’ve found that keeping an eye out for the future and planning fun things to do when you are reunited is a good way to focus on the positives of the relationship and avoid dwelling on the miles between you. Always set a date for when you will see each other next. This not only gives you something to look forward to, but it also can give you a sense of progress and clarity in the relationship.
Long-distance is not all about the two of you as a couple. It is a great way to improve yourself as a person. Enjoy the greater sense of freedom, learn a new skill, spend time with friends: these are not just ways to improve yourself but also activities that will keep you distracted and socially active and allow you to continue with your life whilst you’re without your partner. The last thing you want is to be mulling in loneliness, wondering when they’re going to call or why they have taken twenty seven minutes to reply. Without something to keep yourself busy, doubts and thoughts can creep into your mind and it is easy (and human nature) to become obsessive about the one thing we can’t have at that moment. DON’T stalk their activity on snap maps!
So how not to lose your partner in four months? Communication and independence. Even if the worst does happen and you just fall out of love, communicate and express this honestly. If this can’t happen you may end up losing not only a partner but a close and valued friend.