In recent weeks the august institution of Oxfess has been inundated with complaints and grievances about certain new residents of Exeter College. Talk of the Cohen Quad Cockroaches has roused laughter from the rest of the university, and fear and contempt from the students of the college. Yet no one has bothered to consider the cockroaches themselves, with the discourse being dominated by the myopic concerns of the students. This is a grave oversight that must be corrected imminently.

In a time of increasing urbanisation, many have felt disconnected from the natural world and its beauty. Nowadays, people are actively trying to seek out nature. We’re often jealous of those who have seen some of the natural wonders of the world, or who have had first-hand experience with some of the Earth’s animals. That is why I think it is hypocritical for a society that, to a certain extent, values reconnecting with nature to start shunning it when it presents itself. Not only is nature presenting itself, but it’s doing so without humans having to put any effort in. The students now do not even need to step outside to marvel at the creativity of evolution, and yet they are calling for these cockroaches’ extirpation. This is an opportunity that many will regret squandering.

But the hypocrisy extends even further. A criticism levelled against the cockroaches is that they can be an allergen source, but people seem to have conveniently forgotten that Exeter College also has a cat. Is it not the case that many are allergic to cats too? If the students are to retain any kind of integrity or logical consistency, then they need to be willing either to keep the cockroaches or get rid of the cat. In fact, the students are squandering another opportunity: repurposing the cockroaches as college pets.

The arrival of these beautiful creatures has also demonstrated the lack of gratitude amongst the student populace. The students seem to be completely against the idea of sharing a room with a cockroach but have failed to consider that in dorms in American universities, you have to share with another person. I, for one, would much rather share a room with a cockroach than an American.

I must also ask the students of Exeter: where is your compassion? Is it not completely morally reprehensible to throw out these defenceless creatures into the cold winter streets? Lest you forget, the cockroaches are feeling the squeeze of the cost of living crisis too. But this option seems humane in comparison to exterminating them just to make your lives more convenient.

Defending these cockroaches is not just an act of charity but a moral imperative. If the extermination team comes and the cockroaches are killed, it will bring shame upon the college. To the vegans who so bravely stand up for the rights of cows and chickens: where are you now when they come for the cockroaches? To the Oxford left so famed for your compassionate collectivism: where is your solidarity when your cockroach comrades are in trouble? Ethically unjustifiable actions like these must be protested against at all costs and awareness must be raised of the pitiful plight of the Cohen Quad Cockroaches.