Imposter syndrome is the persistent feeling of not being good enough despite evidence of success. Learn more about my experience with imposter syndrome, and how I overcame it.

I already felt out of place during my previous degrees, but it was more in terms of financial insecurity than intellectual self-doubt. At Oxford, it’s both. It hit me most when I was buying my gown for matriculation – that fancy ceremony I hadn’t even known existed before moving here. Maybe you have experienced it yourself, walking into a posh, stuffy shop full of gowns, suits, ties, and accessories you can’t even name. Anxiety took me by surprise; I dissociated, felt like I wasn’t fully there, copied and pasted onto this world; as if I was failing at a game that others seemed born knowing.

The day before gown shopping, I had my inauguratory formal dinner. Coincidentally, I got seated at the same table as the President of my college. At some point, he was sharing an anecdote on how this year’s Nobel Prize winner was his close friend. We had a lovely chat, but it still got me thinking – what am I doing here, seated with such people? Have I cheated my way into this world, even though I know I haven’t?

Yet, I quickly learnt that Oxford makes it a priority to actively address the impostor syndrome. My cohort was given a compulsory talk about it, and we were told that most Oxford students feel like they don’t fully deserve their spot. We were reassured, over and over again, that we all deserve to be here, that we are the people who our fellow students talk about when they call home and say ‘I’ve made such amazing, inspiring friends’. It was such a simple, yet much needed message.

The evening of the gown shopping, I got back home and cried all my anxieties out; then, I put on my new gown and went to my flatmates to have a laugh. We took turns dressing up and talking about impostor syndrome; sure, we were not born into this, but we deserve it just as much because of that; we had to work so damn hard. And we did, and now we’re here, and I’ve known this community for less than a month but I am already immensely grateful for all the support I’ve received.

Just watch me, Oxford. Watch me, how I come to call you home.